Past Lives and Future Regrets
by DarkAngelLillith
Summary: Thundercracker gets the wrong idea, but Blaster is not willing to tell the truth. Thundercracker/Blaster


**Disclaimer:** Not mine

**A/N:** adopted bunny that originally belonged to kirin saga: _Blaster's pregnant, the war has just started, and his lover has just joined the Decepticons. What's a 'Bot to do? _

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_**Past Lives And Future Regrets**_

Most of the time, Thundercracker could live without thinking too much about the past. He had work to do, battles to fight, a trine leader to keep happy, a leader to satisfy and a trine partner to keep an optic on. He didn't have time to think about the past, let alone regret when he'd been the one to walk out.

Of course, there were times where _all _he could think about was the past. Not just the past… but a specific someone of his past. Someone that was carrying a sparkling that wasn't his. Because he'd seen the looks he and his friend shared when they thought he wasn't looking. He'd waited, alone in their apartment, while his lover partied until late with another.

How many times did he went to recharge alone? How many times did he ask his lover to spend more time home with him? How many…

And now, he had nothing but memories that he thought long erased after they had parted. Memories of hurtful insults thrown both ways and of him slamming the door and walking out of his lover's life. Because he wasn't going to keep playing the fool anymore and now…

Now, as he kept replaying Laserbeak's latest video, everything came crashing back to him. He'd paid good credits to get his hands on it, disgusted with himself for still being weak at hearing the other's name. He'd agonized over watching it or not for almost a mega cycle, until curiosity finally won over his apprehension.

Now he wished to have never even heard of it. He couldn't stop watching, transfixed, the footage of the Autobot's medbay. Where that slagger, Tracks, was holding his lover's hands while the medic hooked scanners on him. Thundercracker noticed his lover looked nervous, almost scared, but one word from Tracks seemed to calm him.

If only Laserbeak could've gotten close enough to hear what they were saying…

Thundercracker watched as the Autobot medic finished connecting the scanners and both his lover and Tracks looked to the side to watch…

'_By the Matrix! It couldn't be! Not with HIM! It was supposed to be mine! You were supposed to have a sparkling with ME not that slagger.'_

He watched, hands closed into fists and dentals clenching, as Blaster leapt from the berth and hugged Tracks. The other keeping a hold on him, as the medic kept talking. He saw red and, in a fit of jealous anger, the video was destroyed.

He lost him. He lost him and now there was no going back. Maybe, if he'd stayed he could pretend. Pretend Blaster loved him and that the sparkling was theirs. Because, frag it all, his spark felt like it was being split in two. But he'd left and now he had to live with his choices. At least, as a Decepticon, he didn't have to watch them. He didn't have to see Tracks playing happy family with what could've been his.

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Blaster was scared. This was the first scan he was scheduled to have after it was confirmed he was carrying a sparkling. He would've liked to be treated by his personal doctor, but he'd been killed in the last Decepticon attack and Blaster was forced to rely on the Autobot's medical facilities.

He was waiting for Tracks to appear. His friend had promised to help him all through this and he couldn't be more grateful towards him. If only Thundercracker would've accepted their friendship…

The red mech rubbed his chest unconsciously. What would Thundercracker do if he learned about the sparkling he was carrying? Blaster liked to think the flier would've been happy. Some part of him wished he could gather his courage and seek the other out to tell him the truth, but he never did.

Thundercracker had been the one to leave. He had waited for almost a full stellar cycle for the Seeker to come back. Blaster didn't even think of asking for an apology first. All he wanted back then was to be in Thundercracker's arms again. To tell him of what they both had created and reassure him there could never be anyone but him.

Blaster was ready to ask for a bond to convince him there was no one else he loved, but him. To show him that he'd always been true. But the blue mech had returned to lay waste to their city… their life and Blaster could never forgive him that.

He would have the sparkling, the last thing that he had of the mech he could not stop loving. Tracks would help him get through the process of carrying and he'll do the rest on his own. Thundercracker would never know… could not know…

After all, he'd been the one to leave when they both needed him the most.


End file.
